trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
