Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
