the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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