i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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