They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
