sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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