Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
