I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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