my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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