Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
