You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
