its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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