Your face is a jimmy john
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
