you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
