Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
