I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
