Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
