Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
