Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
