nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
