Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
