I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
