her vagine was all disorganized.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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