I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
