There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
