her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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