My room smells like vodka and shame
Life is so much better after having sex.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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