Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
