I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
