I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
