Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
