She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
