Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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