btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
