If i come over, it means nothing
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How does it feel to date your dad?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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