WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
