Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
