ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
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