Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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