Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
