that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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