I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
