I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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