I think I am morally bankrupt
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
