Dude my mom stole all your condoms
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
