is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
