Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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