The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
