Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
