we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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