I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
