Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
